I have been giving this a fair amount of thought since I first learned of the highly anticipated release of a new drink on the Starbucks menu, the Unicorn Frappuccino.
Now, just let me say, that I rarely weigh in on thee types of “hot button” issues, but this cause is way too important for me to remain mum. My silence would be paramount to culpability, and I need to be able to sleep at night with a clear conscience.
So, with that said, here are the reasons why I will be saying NO to the new Unicorn Frappuccino…
First and foremost, it’s not vegan.
And thank goodness I don’t have to worry about this particular conundrum, since clearly, if it’s in fact made with real Unicorns, its totally NOT vegan.
Secondly, I am not a monster.
But, if I were a carnivore of mystical creatures, I would be curious to know if it is derived from organic, sustainable Unicorn magic, or if the “mystical” components are just refined pre-packaged concentrated whimsy, or processed imitation rainbows from a can.
It’s important to be informed about the widespread use of GMU’s (genetically modified Unicorn’s).
Now on the other hand, I think even consumers of the other (other) white meat should be wary of where their magical meat comes from.
Unicorns should not be obtained or consumed from unethical sources. We should all take a page from the book of the forward thinking citizens of Who-ville, who are extremely conscientious about where they source their cage free roast beast.
Eco-friendly, free range, “Easter grass” fed Unicorn, should be regulated. It’s a travesty when Unicorns are kidnapped from the wild and forced to live in captivity, or farmed for their magical byproducts.
When harvested humanely, trauma free, Unicorn tears can be successfully incorporated into the properties of many holistic and medicinal applications.
Unicorns emit gluten free Wi-Fi signals.
Yeah, you read that right. And, I feel that if more people knew about that, they would do a better job of protecting them.
Plus, there is some promising evidence that wild Unicorn flatulence (a.k.a. Uni-farts) is/are not only the answer to global warming, but also the key to reversing the harmful effects of climate change, as well as replenishing the rapidly depleting ozone layer.
Such emissions of unity can bring harmony to our planets unrest, and create vital nesting sanctuaries for profoundly displaced Narwhals (the Unicorn’s aquatic brethren).
That’s why I’m glad I’m vegan, because if it IS made with real Unicorns, I can feel secure in the knowledge that I am not personally adding to the senseless slaughter of these magical and benevolent creatures, and needlessly diminishing the Unicorn population with my “franken-ccino”.
Because Unicorn lives matter.
Hundreds of thousands of innocent Unicorns are killed every year just for their horn’s, people!!
We all need to band together to save these magnificent beasts, and not bring them closer to their inevitable extinction.
So if after reading this, you still feel the need to “taste the rainbow”, then please eat some Skittles like a normal person, and skip this blended Unicorn monstrosity.
Say NO to the Unicorn Frappuccino.
Shame on you Starbucks.
**This is been a public service announcement, and the opinions expressed here in are those solely of Kellee Kate and acuratley reflect her personal opinion on the plight of the North American Unicorn. Some statistics may have been exaggerated for dramatic flair.